My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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