i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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