You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
