Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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