Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize