We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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