I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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