i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
