You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
