Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
