My hand turned me down
i love accidental penises.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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