Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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