How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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