I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
