"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
