thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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