Can i not drive my cunt home
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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