Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
