fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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