just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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