She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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