Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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