Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
