Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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