Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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