took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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