I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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