i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
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