rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
