If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
