Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
