4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
