I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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