just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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