I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
