Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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