Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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