what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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