...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
