Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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