Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
