Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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