i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I didn't notice because vodka
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
