he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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