You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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