Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
