Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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