I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
