you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
