you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
