I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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