Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize