I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Don't tell me you're on acid again
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
