Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
