tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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