remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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