He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
