you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
