I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
