Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
