I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
