hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
