I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize