I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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