My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
