Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize