You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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