i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
