I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
