Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
