My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My dick has a subreddit
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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