I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
