someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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