I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
